One Man's Path to Happiness

A man took a journey hoping to find the path to happiness. He traveled to many far away lands, but, it seemed the farther he traveled, the more unhappy he became. One day while resting from his travels under an old apple tree, an apple fell and hit him on the head. "Perhaps, this is a sign that I should cease my travels," he thought to himself. "I'll just sit here and wait for another sign." Well, the apples continued to fall and hit him on the head but still the man received no additional sign. As the years went by, the man finally admitted to himself, "I have traveled to many far away lands and have been sitting under this old apple tree for all these years and the only thing I have to show for my time is this big old lump on my head!" Then, like a sudden flash of lightening from the sky, the man stood up as he saw his path to happiness in a short, simple rhyme, "Forget your regret, look ahead instead."

The First BBQ

Most would agree that indulgence in fine cuisine is certainly one of life's pleasures and one that bears no regret other than perhaps an exorbitant calorie intake or bill. When Adam and Eve were expelled from the Garden of Eden, surely, one of their primary concerns was their lack of knowledge and ability to sustain themselves since the Garden was now off-limits. Initially, there must have been a lot of trial and error in determining what could be properly consumed and digested which, more than likely, resulted in unpleasant episodes of gastrointestinal discomfort. After a steady diet of fruits, nuts and berries, imagine their surprise and delight at discovering additional food sources. Eve: "Adam, this is simply marvelous but I still feel a little strange eating Bambi." But, eventually, they learned how to separate the Fidos from the fillets and the Rovers from the roasts. In fact, they probably became quite efficient at the art of grilling which they used to open a family run cafe aptly named, "The Garden of Eatin'."

Steamy Mirror Love Notes

We all know the basic function of mirrors (to identify zombies in our midst) but some of us may also be cognizant of another functionality, that of steamy romance tablets in which we express feelings of love and affection to that special person in our lives who just happens to share the most intimate setting in our homes, the bathroom. For those who are not familiar with the process involved, the love note must be written on a steamy mirror which will, like invisible ink, disappear and then magically reappears the next time the mirror steams up. Oh, the rapture and thrill of seeing those cherished words from our beloved as we exit a hot shower! But, on a seldom, rare occasion, those "cherished words" will somehow transform and take on the appearance of a Honey Do List item like this steamy mirror love note that my wife wrote me just before she left on a business trip this weekend, "Don't forget to clean the house!"

Daylight Suffering Time

I'm sure I said this last year and I'm going to say it again. Whoever came up with the harebrained idea of losing an hour of sleep just to have a little more daylight should have been put in solitary confinement where he would have had all the time in the world to think about his idiotic idea and to prevent him from coming up with any more. Seriously, what was this guy (or gal) thinking? He was probably an atheist (or, worse yet, one of those morning people) as he obviously didn't care about those of us that have to wake up on Sunday morning to go to church. Personally, I can't hear (or see) the word of God when my eyelids are still glued shut (although, that can happen on any given Sunday, but that's beside the point). And, then, a few months later, we're led to believe that we're graciously 'gaining' an extra hour of sleep. Hello! Good morning! We're just getting back what we lost in the Spring so why bother changing the clocks in the first place? Well, at least I don't have a clock collection like a lady we talked to tonight who just changed the time on 53 clocks. Talk about going cuckoo, cuckoo, cuckoo...